Tuesday, October 5, 2010
So I know this is our Family Blog, but today I feel the need to come on here and post something for me.
Having been a single mother for the last 27 months or so I have learned a lot. One thing I have learned is that single motherhood (parenthood) is not for the weak, it is the toughest 'job' I have ever had. Not just in bad ways either. There are a lot of high points and low points. I do know that if someone had told me before I got pregnant with my boys that I would be a single mother I would not have changed the outcome. I love my 2 little boys with all my heart. They make me who I am. I have always wanted to be a mother and they make me happy time and time again!
One of the toughest parts I find of being a single mother is discipline. Discipline is so hard for me, I know a parent can't always be a child's best friend (though Kanin tells me pretty much everyday that I am his best friend). I feel that discipline is needed to grow strong, well mannered children.
Another tough part is sharing events. Funny as it sounds I dislike not having someone to look over to and talk too at the end of a fund day or event. Take tonight for example, the boys got their first combine rides. I loved seeing the excitement on their face when we got there and when they got off the combine, but sitting here alone tonight, I have no one to share the story with.
Jobs are hard when you are a single parent also. Mainly because you can only work certain hours, because you have to take into consideration, who is going to watch the kids, how they are going to get the sleep they need (if one were to say work 2-10:30 and you had to pick the up at daycare take them home to bed and get them up in the morning for daycare) etc. Because of that I have not been able to take 2 jobs that I would have loved! Of course, my boys come first and always will, since the day I found out I was pregnant with Kanin I come second, my children come first.
Another, probably the toughest is having to drop my boys off every other weekend. People keep telling me it gets easier, but I think they are fooling themselves, or at least me. It has been 2 years since I had to start doing this and it has yet to get easier, in fact, some weeks it is harder than it was in the beginning. This includes Holidays, which some can be extremely tough with others just like a normal weekend.
Enough with the negative, though those are not completely awful.
One of the greatest things about being a single mother is the fact that I get all the hugs, kisses and love from my boys all day long! I can't tell you how many times a day my kids will come up and just give me a kiss, hug and/or tell me they love me!! Each and every time they do it, it melts my heart!
Another is being able to pick up and leave and go out of town whenever we want! Before I would feel guilty because my ex was working and we were off having a good day at the zoo, shopping, etc. But now, we can just go whenever we want without the guilt, but then this leads to the one negative, no one to come home to and share stories about the day with.
I also love how excited my kids get when they do something new or just want to share a story. Kanin gets so excited about things and gives you his full on attention when telling you a story about school, daycare, or anything and expects your full on attention too (you have to watch the facial expressions and the talking hands to get the full extent of the story, lol!). I love that I can enjoy these special moments with the boys.
Of course being a single mother has been made easier with the loving support of our wonderful family and great friends. I do know that if they were not here for us, I would not have made it this far, nor would have the boys. And for that I can't THANK them enough.
With that I will end this, it feels good to let my feelings out and known, I know not many people read this, but stills feel good to get them out.